It’s Bristol Seafood Week, and I’m not able to attend any of the main events, but Harry and I are discussing it and work and spot this one at Salt & Malt, and we’ve never really made it out together for a dinner, so why not! I don’t realise, in advance, how much they are taking the descriptor “feast” seriously. But when we arrive, we are sat at a communal table and have to wait for everyone to get there for the food to begin. We’re sat next to, with all considerably due respect, the worst woman. A woman who cannot enjoy anything for what it is, the kind of person who thinks the way to show sophistication is by being critical of everything rather than enjoying it. It is insufferable to listen to for the first three courses, and then we get dragged into conversation with her and her partner for the rest of the evening, which at least keeps her off the topic of the food. For my mind, it’s a wonderful meal. Across five courses, we enjoy/she criticises smoked haddock croquettes with a beautiful, rich thermidor sauce; scallops marinading in harissa butter; Cornish crab cakes with a quite spicy cayenne emulsion; Brixham hake with a decent pouring of café de Paris butter, and somewhat confusingly matched chip shop chips; and obviously somewhat less fish-themed but some gorgeous Cheddar strawberries with a white chocolate parfait and lemon and thyme meringue. I left very happy with myself, and genuinely feeling sorry for someone who can’t just enjoy things.